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27-03-2008, 01:30 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| ModWriter TTK   Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,833    |  The Joke Thread POST YOUR JOKES HERE Inspired by the shoutbox, i've decided to create a thread for jokes. I've gone on about a joke thread for ages and it's about time we have somewhere to share our funnies. Irelands' worst plane disaster struck today when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish rescue workers have recovered 828 bodies so far. Digging continues.
__________________  SIR CHARLES BARRINGTON esq. II Cardiff City 2008 FA Cup winners? Do the Ayatollah! |
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27-03-2008, 01:34 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| ModWriter TTK Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,833 | Whats the difference between Heather Mills and Northern Rock? One has £25million, is on its last leg and screws old people for all their savings....the other is a bank/building society.
__________________ SIR CHARLES BARRINGTON esq. II Cardiff City 2008 FA Cup winners? Do the Ayatollah! |
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27-03-2008, 02:42 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Gone with the Wind  Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,238   | I got this one via Email a few weeks ago. 15 Priests perished and were greeted at the gates of Heaven by Peter. Each priest was ecstatic that all of their faith, compassion and hard work were greatly rewarded. Upon inspection at the Gates Peter said, “You have all served a worthy cause and although many sins have been committed, thou have been forgiven by the everlasting Grace. You have sworn to uphold thy celibacy. However, one last test is necessary before you proceed through the gate; a final testament of your faith is required. Please, take off thy robes and tie this string to your member. You will find a small bell attached to the string. I will then release temptation from its eternal bondage which will engage you. If successful, you may enter thy kingdom with blessings.” Once each priest had done as Peter asked, a breathtakingly beautiful blonde appeared; blessed in the chest and butt naked to boot. Peter then said, “If I am to hear a single bell ring you will denied entrance. Silence will gain you infinite life.” The blonde proceeded to seduce each Priest. One by one, each passed without so much as a flinch yet both the group and Peter noticed the last Priest in line sweating profusely. He was concentrating but his facial expressions indicated he was not winning his internal struggle. As the blonde finally made her way to the last Priest his excitement exploded and the bell began to ring. So quickly did it move that it was torn from his member and on to the ground directly in front of the Priests. Disappointed, Peter said, “You have failed the final test. Your faith was not as strong as you believed it to be. Retrieve your bell and be gone from my sight. As for the others, I commend you for your faith was strong. You may now enter once the unworthy one is cast away.” Emotionally distraught with tears rolling down his cheeks the Priest moved forward, still in the nude and bent to over, ass facing his fellow Priests to retrieve his bell. Just then, a deafening noise broke the silence as the remaining 14 bells began to ring. |
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27-03-2008, 02:47 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| ModWriter TTK Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,833 | Whats the difference between George Best and Princess Diana's driver? George Best could still take corners while pissed.
__________________ SIR CHARLES BARRINGTON esq. II Cardiff City 2008 FA Cup winners? Do the Ayatollah! |
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27-03-2008, 02:53 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Moderator  Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,154 | A guy goes to a hooker ask's how much The hooker responds $10. So the guy goes ok that sounds fair and does the deed, a day goes by and relizes he has gotten crabs from this hooker, so he goes back to the hooker and says I want my $10 back as you gave me crabs. The hooker responds what do you expect for $10 lobster..
__________________  Moderator formerly known as Recon73 |
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27-03-2008, 08:16 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Gone with the Wind Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,238 | One night a married couple came home from a romantic candle light dinner. The mood was celebratory as they toasted the evening for their 20th wedding anniversary. Unbeknownst to his significant other, the man had been impotent since they had dated but he never told the love of his life fearing she would not marry him otherwise. He was ingenious and found other methods for pleasing her. As the lay in bed passionately kissing the fun then began. In the heat of the moment his Wife ripped off the bed sheets and turned on the light. To her surprise she looked at her husband who had a shameful and embarrassed look on his face. Furthermore, she saw what appeared to be a strap on around his waist. Enraged she said, “How dare you! After 20 years of marriage you pull a stunt like this? I cannot believe you had the audacity to do such a thing! You better explain yourself right now!” To that the husband replied, “I’ll explain the strap on if you explain the kids.” |
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02-04-2008, 10:40 AM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Xbox 360 Pro  Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 181  | Quote:
__________________ My parents said i could be anything i wanted when i grew up so i became an asshole  | |
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02-04-2008, 12:37 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Blue Army Supporter  Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,723 | what did the guy say when he walked into the bar???? A) Ouch!
__________________  "Purple Haze all in my brain, baby things don't seem the same, not that funny, but I don't know why...Excuse me while I kiss the sky.." |
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02-04-2008, 02:56 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Xbox 360 Newcomer  Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 22 | Kid is in the shower with mom when she asks, "mom whats that bushy thing?" Mom says, "It's mommas sponge baby." kid says, "Aunt Rita has one too, I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."
__________________ "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow |
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02-04-2008, 03:00 PM
| #18 (permalink) | |
| Gone with the Wind Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,238 | Quote:
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02-04-2008, 03:14 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| ModWriter TTK Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,833 | I pulled into a disabled parking space the other day, and the carpark attendent shouted: OI!!! You don't look disabled! Whats your disability?? I shouted back to him: Tourettes! Now f*** off you c**t
__________________ SIR CHARLES BARRINGTON esq. II Cardiff City 2008 FA Cup winners? Do the Ayatollah! |
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02-04-2008, 05:55 PM
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