The Origins of "THE MEMBERS"

[The Flash]

ouch! clever, definatly clever

[BRUTAL1TY]

Member #7: ScotRacer


[ScotRacer: Top Left] It's quite disturbing I know. He needs to hit the gym, not the highway.

His story:

ScotRacer was born on September 3, 1988 in Boysack, Scotland to Regina Maxwell and now run away father Timothy Maclaren. Scotracer weighed in at a stunning 65 lbs upon birth. His mother apparently bled to death cuz the birth shed about 9 inches of skin and flesh. Before her death she threw up upon seeing the size of this child for the first time, and she then said she quote "gave birth to a gargantuan asswipe". The doctor and nurses agreed. This was definitely the ugliest child Scotland ever had the pleasure of seeing.

From the time of his birth to being a teenager his main interests where Ken dolls, all-you-can-eat chinese buffets, frolicking in his backyard, wishing he was skinny enough to ride bikes, and reading the latest copy of Popular Mechanics. That all would soon change. Little Scotty was passing all of his sciences classes in high school with flying colors and began wondering if he could work for Popular Mechanics. He immediately applied and was immediately rejected. The reason? When he tried to answer questions from the standard questionnaire that PM gives its applicants, he failed them miserably. The answer he gave to the question "What is water composed of?" was "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin." My point exactly. I guess ScotRacer wasn't quite the scientist/technologist he thought he was.

This bothered him and he began to become quite a bit larger. Almost 700 lbs. He was gorging himself in food to subdue his pain; buying creamsticks and little debbies by the bulk. Scot was later banned from the store for reasons that he was making the store run out of its supply of creamsticks and little debbies. The store owner was GEE btw. Scot was lonely and desperately wanted a life worth something. Things would soon change when he met an amazing man named Shane. This meeting was something that would change Scots life, as Scot would have his first acid trip. During this acid trip, not only did he maim 5 children and destroy a small country, but he had a vision. A vision of the world's first motorcycle capable of handling a 700 lb man.

After this acid trip he immediately got serious and begin creating this glorious bike. Once the bike was finished, it was a thing of beauty. It was large (rougly the size of a 18-wheeler) and had more power than Matt does on this forum. He began to ride this thing around like he was on cloud-nine. Making new track records for riders over 250 lbs. He even got his face on the covers of Newsweek and Fat Bikers Weekly. Sadly that cloud would diminish damn soon. He soon had a wipeout and lost both of his legs and the media craze had left him.

During this time of mourning, he wished his mother was with him. Even though she said he was a gargantuan asswipe, he loved her. I mean, afterall she gave birth to 65 lb kid! That's like trying to start a fire with water - it doesnt happen. Scot was getting very lonely and now in 2006 is still very lonely. Just when he though things were great and that he found the right man in his life, that man was banned. Scot now spends his days watching little boys eat Subway sandwhiches and leveling up his female paladin in World of Warcraft. UPDATE: Scot has been banned from WoW for trying to sell acid to underage children on one of World of Warcraft's servers.

Scot plans to become the ruler of the world and science, but it seems both have turned on him. Scot just feels like not going on anymore. End his misery and buy this guy a couple ice cream cakes, so he gets fatter and dies from a heart attack. Poor kid.

[Comical]

Lmao you all are hilarious...I'll do one!!

The life of "The Flash."

It was when the kid was a toddler, when his grandmother assaulted him repeatedly with the broom for tampering with her box of menstrual pads. Taking blows to the head by a broom handle made this child develop a second personality that dubbed the super hero, Wally West ( a.k.a. The Flash. ) Years would past after he tamed the personality to come out on certain occasions, for example, saving a dog from being neutered. It was on his honeymoon that he had to confess to his new wife about his disorder. Once she figured out, she had a nervous meltdown but soon she came up with a plan. Forcing "Wally West" to wear a red costume, they would often perform BDSM, foreplay, intimate roleplay every chance they had.

A sad, summer day when he was about to rescue a litter of kittens from getting sold to a chinese restaurant, the chinese restaurant owner who happened to be chuck norris, did a strong kick to "Wally West's" shin that hindered his movement.

Months would pass, the house & street pet population drastically declined. Losing his wife due to lack of intimacy, his kids teased him, there was no way he could affored $10.00 to make a down payment for an operation that would give him his speed back. Lack of exercise caused him to gain 200 pounds. People now these days calls him "The Fat Coagulator" sense he was able to shift any soft object into edible cream.

After being rejected for "Who wants to be a super hero" which premiered on Sci-Fi within the past two months, he was heading home, after someone threw a box of krispy kreme donuts at him. After running towards the box, he didn't know they was empty,once he opened him, he became very disappointed. Being extremely exhausted from the 5 foot, 3 second run, the anger and exhaustion caused him to have a heart attack...That's what donuts will do to you folks.

R.I.P, Wally West.

[BRUTAL1TY]

HAHAHA nice one Comical... keep em coming

BTW I would like to tell all the naive and humorless ones out there that this thread is for pure fun and of no truth whatsoever. All posts and stories are not meant to offend nor attack anyone. Basically, if you dont like this thread, dont read it

[Scotracer]

DAMN!!!!

I thought my secret would never get out!!!!

I am not offended at all by that eulogy, honest!

[Enola Bomber]

Originally Posted by ScotRacer

DAMN!!!!

I thought my secret would never get out!!!!

I am not offended at all by that eulogy, honest!

You're a good sport scotracer. I thought you'd be choked. I stand corrected.

[The Flash]

I WILL ASK YOU THIS comical.......IF i was hit by a car and killed.....how am I still typing? LOL! You got yours coming......

[Comical]

Teehee! :]

[Scotracer]

Originally Posted by Enola Bomber

You're a good sport scotracer. I thought you'd be choked. I stand corrected.

Yeah, it's only against everything that I stand for and tells the tale of my failure. No biggy

[Enola Bomber]

Brutal1ty
Member # 31414134145

Now, some may think the life of Brutal1ty is one that could be summed up with a few words. "pointless", "dull", "depressing", or "shallow."
While all these words are true, and could basically sum it all up, I thought going into a little more detail would be best. You see, Gertrude, or "Brutal1ty as "he" like to be called now, grew up in Ohio. He was the bastard son of a stray mule, but was parented only by the fleas and lice that roamed his filthy skin. Gertrude was befriended at an early age by some kids known as the "michael jackson rejects", due to their girly features and most unfashinable fashion sense. Gertrude like to roam around, parading in old discarded moomoos, and tootoos, simply because the names made him laugh. He took potshots at bums and other unfortunate wretches like himself simply because they were there. He knew nothing of hygene, as he had no parents, so most of his skin, hair, and teeth died before the lice and fleas even got a decent meal out of him. A locale carival stopped by Ohio, and the opportunaty came up for him to join the local freak show. The head of the event couldnt even come up with a name for something so vile as Gertrude, that he didnt make the cuts. He was the first person to ever be cut because they were beyond the word freak. Sadness and depression were all too real for this ugly mutt, and it seemed like even living past each day was becoming more and more pointless. He would have ended it too, if only he knew how. Then one day, lost and alone, Gerty stumbled across something in the mud where he lay. It was a book, covered in coffee stains and old chewing tobacco spit. The title read "Holy Bible". Although this sorry sap couldnt read, he knew it was special. He grew to form a bond with this book, and the two were inseperable. He would ask the locals to read him pages in exchange for services, and with each day, he learned a little more. By the time he was 15, he had the book read. Feeling enlightened and reborn, Gertrude was on a quest to teach the world what hes learned. He traveled near and far to spread the word of god, but no one wanted to listen to a such a filthy and disgusting boy. Once again, Gertrude was sad. That night, in his dreams, he was visited by the lord himself. The lord told Gerty that if he believes, he will succeed. Unfortunately for Gerty the lord is wrong 95% of the time, and even the other 5% is on the fence. His bones continued to decay, as with all other living tissue in his body. Now, with his last dying days, he tries to spread the word of god the only way possible, on the Planet 360 forums using the computers at the local library so we dont have to see his butt nasty face.

[BRUTAL1TY]

ROFL!!

You did get the Ohio part right, oh wait that was in my gamer profile, nice reasearch I can see you were planning this from the start!!... LOL Mark my words, I will get you Enola. I will be brutal (pun-intended) and I suggest you have an oxygen mask nearby, as the secrets I reveal of you will cause you much anxiety and stress. Mwahahaha!!!

[Enola Bomber]

Originally Posted by BRUTAL1TY

Wow, that was like, totally funny. Its like, how'd you know!!hehe. Im gonna, like, totally write a super fabulous one for you too. I love telling stories! Im like, an ugly wretch who plays with poodle poop and stuff!!!!

WTF????

[BRUTAL1TY]

Originally Posted by Enola Bomber

WTF????

you clever little bastard lol... what you are doing is only feeding the flames my friend lol

[Enola Bomber]

HAHAHa, i nearly died laughing!!!!

Great work lads!

Love the Bio&Pics of KH0RNE and Scott..
Good work Enola and BRUTAL1TY!

[The Flash]

The Story of Comical
(aka Not-so-Comical)
************************************************** *******

Comical was born with a vagina and a dream, to be the worlds most comical crossdressing comedian! Unfortunatly she didnt understand that a girl dressing like a boy isn't NEARLY as funny as her DAD dressing like a girl. Her act was constantly over shadowed by her dad's transvestite comedy routine. Frustrated, Comical ran far from home to the city of dreams, Orlando Florida. Night after night, comical with her glued on beard, and fake mullet couldnt even make the drunkest guy laugh. Somthing had to change.....Comical decided to start taking testotrone shots, with the mind set that a REAL beard would be 10x funnier than a fake one...months passed and soon comical was covered in hair, 300 LBS, and now a lesbian. Yes, he...er.....she started sleeping with other girls (until the cloths came off that is). YET still, night after night, not one laugh. She was constantly booed off stage, until finally she had a oppifany! She knew what she had to do to be funny. She raised 10,000 dollars from prostotution with horney cops, and the taco became a burrito (if you catch my drift). Yes, she was now 100% HE! And NOW she...er...i mean HE could dress like a girl, and be HILARIOUS! He stepeed up to the mic, with his victoria secret bra straped around his hairy chest. He was going to make on Last Comic Standing. They refused her....i mean him, saying she was the most boring, gimmicky comedian they had ever seen! Frustrated, depressed, and humiliated, comical locked himself in his apparment, and became a pale antisocial gamer. This forum is his only contact with the outside world.....he likes it here, he knows who he is.....A lesbian transvestite loser gamer with identiy issues who still dresses like a girl.
************************************************** *******

>:-) BWA HA HA HA HA

* note to new reader to the thread: this is not a burn session, it is all in fun!

[BRUTAL1TY]

Member # 69: Enola Bomber


[Enola Bomber] With a face like this, it's no wonder he covers his face in his avatar. Some people should just not go out in public, as they are a danger to society and handsome men. Enola is one of these.

His story:

Well, Enola Bomber is somewhat of a strange fellow. He was born in the hills of Saskatchewan to a mother who tried to complete an abortion on her own and failed, and to a father who was killed by a school bus backing into him (pathetic I know). Shortly after his birth, Enola's mother was later killed because of her job. She was one of those telephone actresses for phone sex companies and apparantelly a sex-crazed pyscho wanted to see her in person. Funny thing is always-intelligent Enola just watched and smiled as it all went down. Haha, kids.

Now alone and wondering where he would go, Enola spent his days walking around the sparce Canadian cities looking for any bit of excitement or attention he could find. Most people ignored him or ran away because of his straight up ugliness or either just giggled in his presence. It was during this time that he evolved into the spawn of satan he is. Enola hated the world and everything in it. He wanted to destroy it and it was now his goal.

Enola hitchhiked his way into America and immediately began his world-ending mission. When he wasn't spending his time impersonating Bob Saget, plotting to destroy world superpowers, snorting cocaine, and eating his feces, he was spending his time trying to raise money. For what you ask? For facial reconstructive surgery, because after all he is a hideous little man. Finally Enola made enough money from his own website, Kids Overnight.com (which sold lonely chinese and korean children to Angelina Jolie for about 5 dollars each). Intelligently, Enola thought the only people good enough to do his face right, was to go to the stars of the FX tv show NipTuck and pay them to do the work. They promptly laughed in his face and told him to quote "get your stupidass out of my office. You have a putrid smell and I'm an actor not a doctor... retard."

Now angry and still ugly, Enola decided to use his money for something else. World destruction. He immediately bought a nuclear warhead and launchpad from Kum Jung Mentally-Ill. Enola set up the launchpad and immediately started counting down to the destruction of some third-world country. As it launched it immediately came back down to earth (Enola was to stupid to notice he needed to enter guidance coordinates into the computer). It exploded and the world held its breath for a short moment. After the smoke cleared, Enola got up. He was alive, but surely worse off. His face was now totally burnt. Enola hated this and wept for days. He soon came to realize that he could never accomplish anything at all. He was hopeless.

Enola now spends his days eating rodents, teaching Chinese to 5 year old dope fiends, running in circles, and telemarketing to annoy the world in his last attempt to get back at it. No one cared for Enola. No one dared go near that face, as rumors were flourishing that you would inherit his ugliness. Enola has decided to spend most of his time talking on the PlanetXbox 360 forum while soliciting himself to small animals for Kibbles'n Bits dog food. Boy what a wasted life. Someone get a gun and shoot the ugliness, as this world desperately needs it

[Comical]

.......Lol..Good one..

[BRUTAL1TY]

LOL nice one Flash... I love this thread although I do not think I can contribute for a while, as I am REALLY running out of things to say.

[Enola Bomber]

HAHAHa, the picture and the part of agelina jolie was f-in funny stuff. bravo. (btw, how did you manage to snap a pic of me? I didnt even see you? were you hiding or something? you could have at least got my good side!.....if there is one *sob*)