The Joke Thread

[Blasterpez]

Originally Posted by shane32Eire

They built your ***ass country

Only the east coast. and you're right, they are pretty *** over there....what'd you do?

The chinese built the west coast.

[Blasterpez]

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Most of America 's populace think it improper

to spank children, so I have tried other methods

to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take

the child for a car ride and talk.


Some say it's the vibration from the car, others

say it's the time away from

any distractions such as TV, Video Games,

Computer, IPod, etc.


Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop

misbehaving after our car ride together.


I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with

my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
Your Friend









I think this will work with grandchildren,

nieces, and nephews as well.

[quote=Blasterpez;182290]they are pretty *** over there....what'd you do?/QUOTE]

Funny I thought the *** capital of the world San Fransico was on the west coast? wheres my map...

[Blasterpez]

Originally Posted by shane32Eire

Funny I thought the *** capital of the world San Fransico was on the west coast? wheres my map...

SAn fran does have a big *** population, but not the biggest in the US, just the most outspoken. Seattle and NY both have bigger. I think NY is in the lead right now, and i'm not sure that is a world record holder city, though. is this a job for wikipedia?

Originally Posted by Blasterpez

is this a job for wikipedia?

What Isn't!

[IIJoshIII]

Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

A: Give the ***** a shovel!

[Ultramafia]

Originally Posted by IIJoshIII

Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

A: Give the ***** a shovel!

lol.

3 bodys turn up at mortuary all with smiles on their faces. Cop asks coroner, 'Why R they all smiling?' Coroner says '1st guy died of heart attack shaggin his wife, hence his smile. 2nd guy won lottery, spent it on whisky & died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile. 3rd guy was unusual - Paddy from Dublin, struck by lightening!' Cop asks 'Why the hell was he smiling?' Coroner replies, 'Twat thought he was havin his photo taken!'

.: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . ..:.:. .:. ...:.:. :.:.: :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . ..:.:. .:. ...:.:. :.:.: ..:
.. :.::. ::..:. .:. :...: ..:.. :....::. :..: :... :. ..:: .::. ::::.. ....:: .: :. ..::.. .:.:

With regards,
Stevie Wonder.

[Pepper Jack]

Originally Posted by Sir Charles

.: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . ..:.:. .:. ...:.:. :.:.: :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . ..:.:. .:. ...:.:. :.:.: ..:
.. :.::. ::..:. .:. :...: ..:.. :....::. :..: :... :. ..:: .::. ::::.. ....:: .: :. ..::.. .:.:

With regards,
Stevie Wonder.

BURN!!!!!

it was low and dirty, but still a burn!

[oli]

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.


He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad?' he inquires.

'No,darling,' she says, rubbing his chest.

'What about your brother?',he asks, hoping to be reassured.


'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the **** is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear.....
















"That's me before the surgery."

[oli]

A young boy comes home from school all excited and asks his mum to guess what happened today and when she wearily asks what, the boy replies

"I had sex with the teacher"

So the mother is disgusted and tells him to go up to his room until his father comes home and no sooner is his dad in the door, she tells him

"Get upstairs and sort that son of yours out now!"

So the dad traipses up the stairs and says to his son

"OK, what have you done now?"

"I had sex with the teacher in school today" replies the boy

The dad closes the boy's bedroom door and shaking his hand and ruffling his hair says

"Well done my son, I'm so proud of you now that you can finally call yourself a man and don't tell your mother, but as a special reward I'll take you out at the weekend and buy you that bike you've always wanted"

So the boy replies

"Cheers dad, but do you think you can leave 'til next weekend, 'cos my arse is still sore"

[Pepper Jack]

Originally Posted by oli

"Get upstairs and sort that son of yours out now!"

my wife barked at me like that it would be her i was sortin out! lol

nice joke oli

A 9 year old English boy decides to start supporting Wales in the rugby after another Grand Slam in 2008.

He goes downstairs to his mother and says: 'Mummy, can you buy me a Wales Rugby shirt please?'

His mother slaps him accross the face and says: 'Go and tell your father what you just told me!'

So the little boy goes to his dad and repeats the question. *SLAP* accross the face again.

Father says: 'Go and explain yourself to your Grandmother!'

So the little boy climbs upstairs and walks into his grandmothers bedroom. He explains to her that he is now a Welsh supporter......*BANG* she throws her false teeth at him!

Grandmother says: 'I HOPE YOU HAVE LEARNT A VALUABLE LESSON?!?'

Little boy replies: 'Yes I have. I've only been a Welsh supporter for 5mins and I already hate you English c*nts!'

[Tha Darkman]

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.



"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."

[Pepper Jack]

Originally Posted by Tha Darkman

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.



"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."

LMAO!!!

[BRUTAL1TY]

A joke thread? Shouldn't the title of it just be "Elderscroller"?

[bevo1981]

Originally Posted by BRUTAL1TY

A joke thread? Shouldn't the title of it just be "Elderscroller"?

QUICK!! delete your post before anyone else sees how lame it is!

[Pepper Jack]

Originally Posted by bevo1981

QUICK!! delete your post before anyone else sees how lame it is!

lame? i thought it was funny, made me laugh for a short while actually, nice burn broot

[Blasterpez]

did you chortle, pepper?

but that joke was not as good as a sweet pun would be.