The Joke Thread

POST YOUR JOKES HERE

Inspired by the shoutbox, i've decided to create a thread for jokes. I've gone on about a joke thread for ages and it's about time we have somewhere to share our funnies.



Irelands' worst plane disaster struck today when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish rescue workers have recovered 828 bodies so far. Digging continues.

Whats the difference between Heather Mills and Northern Rock?

One has £25million, is on its last leg and screws old people for all their savings....the other is a bank/building society.

[Kona Palangi]

I got this one via Email a few weeks ago.

15 Priests perished and were greeted at the gates of Heaven by Peter. Each priest was ecstatic that all of their faith, compassion and hard work were greatly rewarded. Upon inspection at the Gates Peter said,

“You have all served a worthy cause and although many sins have been committed, thou have been forgiven by the everlasting Grace. You have sworn to uphold thy celibacy. However, one last test is necessary before you proceed through the gate; a final testament of your faith is required. Please, take off thy robes and tie this string to your member. You will find a small bell attached to the string. I will then release temptation from its eternal bondage which will engage you. If successful, you may enter thy kingdom with blessings.”

Once each priest had done as Peter asked, a breathtakingly beautiful blonde appeared; blessed in the chest and butt naked to boot. Peter then said,

“If I am to hear a single bell ring you will denied entrance. Silence will gain you infinite life.”

The blonde proceeded to seduce each Priest. One by one, each passed without so much as a flinch yet both the group and Peter noticed the last Priest in line sweating profusely. He was concentrating but his facial expressions indicated he was not winning his internal struggle. As the blonde finally made her way to the last Priest his excitement exploded and the bell began to ring. So quickly did it move that it was torn from his member and on to the ground directly in front of the Priests. Disappointed, Peter said,

“You have failed the final test. Your faith was not as strong as you believed it to be. Retrieve your bell and be gone from my sight. As for the others, I commend you for your faith was strong. You may now enter once the unworthy one is cast away.”

Emotionally distraught with tears rolling down his cheeks the Priest moved forward, still in the nude and bent to over, ass facing his fellow Priests to retrieve his bell. Just then, a deafening noise broke the silence as the remaining 14 bells began to ring.

Whats the difference between George Best and Princess Diana's driver?

George Best could still take corners while pissed.

[Glock 19]

A guy goes to a hooker ask's how much The hooker responds $10. So the guy goes ok that sounds fair and does the deed, a day goes by and relizes he has gotten crabs from this hooker, so he goes back to the hooker and says I want my $10 back as you gave me crabs. The hooker responds what do you expect for $10 lobster..

[Kona Palangi]

One night a married couple came home from a romantic candle light dinner. The mood was celebratory as they toasted the evening for their 20th wedding anniversary. Unbeknownst to his significant other, the man had been impotent since they had dated but he never told the love of his life fearing she would not marry him otherwise. He was ingenious and found other methods for pleasing her. As the lay in bed passionately kissing the fun then began. In the heat of the moment his Wife ripped off the bed sheets and turned on the light. To her surprise she looked at her husband who had a shameful and embarrassed look on his face. Furthermore, she saw what appeared to be a strap on around his waist. Enraged she said, “How dare you! After 20 years of marriage you pull a stunt like this? I cannot believe you had the audacity to do such a thing! You better explain yourself right now!” To that the husband replied, “I’ll explain the strap on if you explain the kids.”

[axeman2008]

The Police arrested two youths yesterday one was eating fireworks and the other one was eating batteries. They charged one and let the other one off.

What has two legs and bleeds alot?



-Half a dog.

[Batman-2007]

Originally Posted by Sir Charles

POST YOUR JOKES HERE

Inspired by the shoutbox, i've decided to create a thread for jokes. I've gone on about a joke thread for ages and it's about time we have somewhere to share our funnies.



Irelands' worst plane disaster struck today when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish rescue workers have recovered 828 bodies so far. Digging continues.

It's gone up to 1000 now, may they R.I.P

[FLANKER 5]

what did the guy say when he walked into the bar????

















A) Ouch!

[Kona Palangi]

Originally Posted by FLANKER 5

what did the guy say when he walked into the bar????

















A) Ouch!

-250

[Glock 19]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

[Kona Palangi]

Originally Posted by Glock 19

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Have Flanker tell him a joke.

Originally Posted by Kona Palangi

Have Flanker tell him a joke.

+50

[Don_Rico]

A horse walks in to a bar, and the bartender asks: Why the long face?

[Kona Palangi]

Originally Posted by Don_Rico

A horse walks in to a bar, and the bartender asks: Why the long face?

**** the point system somebody ban this kid!!!

[chef gordolfo]

Kid is in the shower with mom when she asks, "mom whats that bushy thing?" Mom says, "It's mommas sponge baby." kid says, "Aunt Rita has one too, I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."

[Kona Palangi]

Originally Posted by chef gordolfo

Kid is in the shower with mom when she asks, "mom whats that bushy thing?" Mom says, "It's mommas sponge baby." kid says, "Aunt Rita has one too, I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."

Out of the mouth of babes.

I pulled into a disabled parking space the other day, and the carpark attendent shouted: OI!!! You don't look disabled! Whats your disability?? I shouted back to him: Tourettes! Now f*** off you c**t

[7thdeadlysin]

A man kidnaps a little girl, and takes her through the forest. As it starts to get dark, the little girl turns to the man and says "mister mister, I'm scared it's getting dark out". The man looks down at the little girl and says "You're scared?! I have to walk out of here alone".